There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
