At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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