worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Randomize
