it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Randomize
