It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
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