oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
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