just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
I puked a lego.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
