I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Randomize
