You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize
