good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
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