You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
