Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Randomize
