I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
I came so hard my ears popped.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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