We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
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