Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
