Jerry, you need to find god
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
