In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
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