please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
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