theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
