what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
