after a month anything with tits is on the radar
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
