i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize
