Sry I called you an 8
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
We need a shit load of segways right now
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
