my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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