My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
