You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
