anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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