Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Randomize
