Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
