New low: just hacked my moms facebook
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize