I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
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