So drunk, too bad you don't want this
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
