I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
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