This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize
