if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Randomize