Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Randomize