I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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