what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
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