A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
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