just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Randomize
