I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
