I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
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