bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
He kissed a someone with a penis
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Randomize
