Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
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