What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
