coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
