i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Randomize