Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
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