If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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