I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
