My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
