when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
