It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
