I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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