he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Randomize
