I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
