I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Randomize
