i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize