If that was your dad, he is hot
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
