Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Randomize
