apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
