i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
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