My sheets look like a crime scene.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
