Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
