im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
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