Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
stop calling my apartment porn island.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
