I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize
