This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize