dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
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