I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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