I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
