I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
