let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
