I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Randomize
