Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Randomize
