JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Randomize
