I'd wear matching sweaters with you
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
